Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
