we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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