I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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