Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
