look no pants
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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