He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
dude. I can hear the air.
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