I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
