I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
