once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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