you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
