Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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