I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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