You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
