you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize