garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
