I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
