I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
