ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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