You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
