Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
