did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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