Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
