Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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