she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
