I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
