my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
