This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
