Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize