I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
