the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
