I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
