I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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