He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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