Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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