he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
