So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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