Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize