Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
