i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
