I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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