I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
