Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
