a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
