what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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