Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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