just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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