the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
