She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
