I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize