I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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