Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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