U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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