Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize