You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
