I'll bet she douches with gravy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
