Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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