they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
