Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize