i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
