4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
