it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
