we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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