Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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