just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
