he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
