so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
