She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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