I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
