He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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