Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize