I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
