I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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