Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
