He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
