I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
