What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
