he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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