the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
