so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love you. Go after that dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
