She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
