True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize