omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
