HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
