I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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