They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
