So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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