On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
