my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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