You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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