This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
