this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
