My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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