Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
