There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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