Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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