Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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