i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
