got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Two words: blizzard sex
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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