Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
