i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
