So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
