got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
