so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
