when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
