im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize